By Lorraine Noble-Thompson

We like to live up to the title of the article and did this big time on the BMW Off-Road Skills course over in Abercrave, South Wales.  Only we decided to add ‘and very wet’ to the ‘getting down and dirty!  This was the first course of the seasons – the heavens opened and the rain persisted for the two days, along with low level cloud over the welsh hills.  This led to dramatic, muddy and challenging trails for the participants and was welcomed by many as being ideal conditions to learn the skills.  To be honest, we were all having so much fun no-one cared about the rain.

Lorraine Noble-Thompson, Clive and Helen Holloway (normally tucked up in their classic MG’s), along with 25 others joined the first BMW off road skills course of the season which had been completely booked for customers of Astle BMW Grimsby.  Simon Pavey, Chief Instructor and 6 times Dakar Rally rider, was pleased to report that this is the very first course in the history of the World of BMW  to have been completely booked out by a dealer . It was a huge success organised by Sarah and Nigel Hall who brought the like minded group together.

We arrived at the Unit where we were kitted out and collected our brand new , clean & shiny  bikes for the 8 mile ride up to the off road area set in 4,000 acres of forest trails, hills and open cinder areas which make up the challenging terrain of a former open cast coal mine.  We were split into groups of similar skills level and experience but whichever group you were in, huge enjoyment and a great learning experience was guaranteed by Simon Pavey and the team of superb instructors. 

The first session was all about bike control and balance – finding the centre point, how to hold the bike up with one finger whilst moving around the entire bike, clutch and throttle control to move the bike whilst walking alongside (from either side).   One of the most important things we were taught was the correct way to pick up a bike.  (Some of us had the opportunity to practice this more often than others during the course of the weekend!). Lorraine even managed to pick up the new launch 1200gs adventure, through sheer true grit and a little hand from Simon.....wow that’s one lot of bike.

We then went on to riding a slalom course around cones on a loose, shale and broken rubble surface and , mud, mud glorious mud  followed by a challenging ride within a 2m x 3m box.  Most of us found one direction easier than the other so we had to do it both clockwise and anti-clockwise. I must say …sorry about the squashed cones Simon. 

Simon has his own version of ‘Simon says’ which includes riding the bike standing with both feet on either the left or right foot-peg,  kneeling on the seat, riding side saddle and culminating on riding with no-hands. Please do not try this at home folks !

After lunch of Hot soup , very large bagettes and copious amounts of tea/coffee,  the braking techniques started – this involves riding as fast towards a point as you dared and slamming the rear brake on to demonstrate how little the back brake does in those situations.  Nick Palmer, one of the instructors referred to it as the grin factor!  The faster you go, the bigger your grin and how right he was!  Front braking using opposed front brake and throttle wasn’t quite as dramatic but was also a key skill to master – (a bit like the effect of ‘heeling and toeing’ in a car).

Then it was time to practice these skills in real conditions and we took our first ride out onto the forest trails.  The course is based on the building blocks principle so that you build on skills already taught.  We rode some wide muddy  and gravel strewn trails, narrow forest tracks and even Wales’s own Road of Bones which is a short section of heavily broken tarmac with some the size of breeze blocks.  Helen got hit from behind by a rider who hadn’t seen the group stop – this took out her rear light and number plate.  The second bike toppled her bike which snapped the clutch lever off.  Luckily the instructors carry some spares so a quick 5 minute repair and we were off again.

We stopped at a slope that many of us wouldn’t normally think of walking down but this is where we learnt to ride down using just engine braking – so simple when you’ve done it once and it gives you a great feeling of total control.  Some of us did it by repeating the mantra, ‘don’t touch anything, look ahead, look AHEAD!’

The instructors really inspire total trust and faith but they do enjoy having their bit of fun with us – we were taken up a steep cinder hill and stopped about 15 feet short of the crest.  Our instructor turned around, grinned mischievously and yelled, ‘right then – follow me one at a time!’ as he disappeared in a shower of gravel over what appeared to us to be a sheer vertical drop.  We looked at each other, no-one saying a word but all thinking, ‘blooming heck!’ (or words to that effect).  A second’s hesitation and over we all went like a bunch of lemmings.  We all had grins from ear to ear when we arrived at the bottom.

Rode back to the hospitality area in driving rain for hot drinks and then headed back to the unit where we dropped some very filthy bikes.  We were all mud splattered and happy but some of us were plastered from head to foot! 

That night the entire team and instructors met up at the Abercrave Hotel for a meal together – it was a great opportunity to meet together with like-minded biking people and share stories.  We especially enjoyed hearing all the off-roading and Dakar experiences of the instructors.

There was a lot of good natured banter amongst the group next day about those yet to take a spill and get really dirty.  Lorraine in particular was still looking pristine in her gear.  That would change by the end of the next day …

Day two started off dry for the ride up to the off road area but as soon as we went out to start the heavens opened again.  Day 2 included learning a lot more skills and building on what we’d done yesterday but presented greater challenges.  Our instructor found an even more challenging hill this morning but this time with a strong right to left slope with big rocks to avoid.  We had to keep to the uphill side due to the rocks on the left and to totally weight the left peg to maintain maximum grip.  All went ok on the first run but then we had to stop on the slope using a combination of front and back brake.  Easier for some than others but no-one complained about the spills – it’s a case of laugh, pick yourself up and go try it again until you succeed.  How to recover your bike on a hillside was a fascinating technique and one we all enjoyed learning.  Letting the brake off and holding the clutch in to get moving is very much a ‘leap of faith’.  However, the confidence it gives you knowing the technique to deal with most situations is amazing. We had to cross a small river crossing at the bottom of one a sleep slope, this was one of the three times Lorraine decided to “ drop “ her bike . Instead of going the way that everyone else went Lorraine’s bike decided that it wanted to go through the reeds and then changed it’s mind….too late Lorraine was already flat on her back in the water laughing her head off saying “ I’m wet but still not muddy “.  A couple of challenging down hills later and Lorraine emerged , just like one of us muddy from head to foot , still grinning.

The scenery (in clear weather) is incredibly beautiful but even in the rain it has it’s own unique attraction.  The wooded trails are varied, some narrow with bushes whipping you in the face, some wide gravel areas, some axle deep mud which a few of us inspected a little more closely than we’d have liked.  At least the landing is very soft!  One trail descended beside the course of beautiful stepped waterfalls which were really full of water because of the rains.

With the day over and 28 very tied riders we all rode back to the centre to have our bikes and ourselves hosed down with a pressure washers.  Once dried off we were presented with our certificates for completing the course. Saying goodbye to all our new friends we headed East and home. Well done to Mick from Hull who travelled there on his 1150 gs and after the course travelled all the way back….what s a true biker.

To get the best out of the course you need to come with a sense of humour, the ability to listen and to do whatever the instructors tell you, to be able to laugh at yourself when you get it wrong and the willingness to help others.  If you do all this you’ll have the time of your life.  We’re all going back for sure so see you there maybe I know from Sarah at Astle BWM that there are already 140 names booked to go on to the course and all the courses are full until 2007 .

Helen Holloway/Lorraine Noble-Thompson/Clive Holloway.